Verbal Harassment

How To Deal With Verbal Abuse From Strangers?

Wraps up in 9 Minutes

Author: Gavin Altus

Published On January 21, 2026

Nobody wakes up expecting to cop an earful from a stranger, yet it happens more often than we’d like to admit.

Whether it’s road rage on the M1, an angry shopper at Woollies, or someone having a proper meltdown on public transport, verbal abuse from strangers can leave you shaken, angry, or questioning what just happened!

The good news? You’re not powerless.

Understand how you can respond effectively and protect both your safety and mental well-being. Go through this guide…

What Actually Counts as “Verbal Abuse”?

Verbal abuse from strangers goes beyond someone simply being rude or having a bad day. It involves aggressive language intended to intimidate, demean, or threaten you.

According to Beyond Blue, Verbal Abuse includes yelling, name-calling, threatening language, racist or sexist remarks, and sustained criticism or humiliation.

The key difference between someone being a bit stroppy and actual abuse is the intent to harm or control through words.

Typical scenarios include confrontations on public transport, retail interactions gone awry, parking disputes, or random street harassment.

Sometimes there’s no logical trigger at all; you’re just in the wrong place when someone decides to unleash their frustrations.

Why Do Strangers Verbally Abuse Others?

Understanding the psychology doesn’t excuse the behaviour, but it helps you realise it’s not about you.

People who verbally abuse strangers often struggle with poor emotional regulation.

Research published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence shows that individuals who engage in public aggression frequently have underlying issues with anger management, stress, or mental health challenges.

Some common triggers include perceived disrespect (even when none exists), financial stress, relationship problems, substance abuse, or having learned aggressive communication patterns.

The Butterfly Foundation notes that some people use verbal aggression as a misguided way to feel powerful when other areas of their life feel out of control.

Here’s the critical bit: their outburst is about their internal chaos, not your worth as a person.

1. Immediate Response Strategies

When someone’s verbally abusing you, your first job is staying safe. Here’s how to handle the situation in the moment.

2. Assess the Danger Level

Before you respond at all, quickly evaluate whether this could escalate to physical violence. Trust your gut. If the person appears intoxicated, is highly agitated, or is physically threatening, your priority is to remove yourself from the situation.

The Australian Institute of Criminology reports that verbal confrontations can escalate quickly, particularly when alcohol is involved or in isolated locations.

3. Use the Grey Rock Method

This technique involves making yourself as dull and unresponsive as a grey rock. Give minimal reactions, keep your face neutral, and offer brief, unemotional responses if you must speak at all.

Say something like “okay” or “I understand you’re upset” in a flat tone, then disengage. Please don’t argue, explain, or defend yourself; that’s giving them the engagement they’re seeking.

4. Create Physical Distance

Move away calmly but deliberately. If you’re in a shop, walk toward the staff or other customers. On public transport, change seats or carriages at the next stop. In your car, keep windows up and doors locked.

Headspace Australia recommends having an exit strategy in mind whenever possible, particularly in enclosed spaces.

5. Document When Safe

If the situation involves threats or discriminatory language, note key details once you’re safe: time, location, what was said, and any witnesses. Take photos of the person from a safe distance if possible (but never at the expense of your safety).

This documentation matters if you decide to report the incident to the police or workplace management.

What Not to Do

Your instinct might be to fight fire with fire, but that rarely ends well.

Don’t escalate by matching their aggression. Research from the Australian Psychological Society shows that aggressive responses increase the likelihood of violence by up to 70%.

Avoid trying to reason with someone who’s already lost control. You can’t logic someone out of an emotional state they didn’t logic themselves into. Save your breath and energy.

Don’t post about the incident on social media while emotions are high, especially if you’re sharing identifying information about the other person. This could create legal complications or further safety issues.

And here’s the tough one: don’t internalise their words. Easier said than done but remember that someone who doesn’t know you can’t accurately judge you.

1. Protecting Your Mental Health Afterwards

The interaction might be over, but the emotional impact can linger. Here’s how to process it healthily.

2. Acknowledge Your Feelings

Feeling shaken, angry, or upset is entirely normal. The Australian Centre for Posttraumatic Mental Health notes that unexpected verbal attacks can trigger stress responses like other threatening situations.

Permit yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling without judgment.

3. Talk It Through

Share what happened with someone you trust. Speaking about the experience helps process it and often reveals how unreasonable the other person was being.

If you don’t have someone to talk to, services like Lifeline (13 11 14) provide 24/7 support.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

Treat yourself how you’d treat a mate who went through the same thing. You’d probably tell them it wasn’t their fault, that the other person was out of line, and that they handled it well. Extend that same kindness to yourself.

Self-Compassion Australia suggests specific exercises, such as placing your hand on your heart and speaking to yourself gently.

5. Return to Normal Activities

Don’t let one nasty encounter change your behaviour long-term. If someone abused you at the shops, go back to that shop. If it happened on your regular bus route, keep taking that bus.

Avoiding places or activities gives the incident more power than it deserves.

When to Report Verbal Abuse

Not every unpleasant interaction needs official reporting, but some do.

Police report when the abuse includes direct threats of violence, stalking behaviour, hate speech targeting your race, religion, sexuality, or other protected characteristics, or repeated harassment.

In New South Wales, Victoria, and Queensland, using threatening or abusive language in public can constitute an offence under the Summary Offences Act.

Report workplace-related incidents (customer abuse of staff) to management immediately. Under Work Health and Safety laws, employers are required to protect workers from verbal abuse and harassment.

Document everything: what was said, witnesses, any video or audio recordings (where legal), and the impact on you.

Building Long-Term Resilience

Regular exposure to verbal aggression requires developing emotional armour without becoming hardened.
Practise assertiveness skills through courses or therapy. The Australian Psychological Society offers resources on assertive communication that help you respond confidently without aggression.
Develop a strong support network. People who feel connected and supported recover from negative encounters more quickly.
Consider counselling if you’re frequently targeted or struggling to move past incidents. Services like ReachOut Australia offer online support specifically for dealing with harassment.
Set firm boundaries in all relationships. When you’re comfortable saying no and standing up for yourself with people you know, saying no and standing up for yourself with strangers becomes easier.

Special Considerations for Specific Situations

1. Racial or Cultural Abuse

Racist verbal abuse is unfortunately common in Australia. The Australian Human Rights Commission received over 450 complaints of race discrimination in 2022-23.

If you experience racist abuse, you can report it to the Australian Human Rights Commission, contact community legal centres, or reach out to culturally specific support services. Many communities have particular advocacy organisations that can assist.

2. Gendered Abuse and Street Harassment

Women and gender-diverse people face specific types of verbal harassment. Plan International Australia found that 77% of young women experienced street harassment in public spaces.

Trust your instincts about safety, stay in well-lit public areas, and don’t feel obligated to be polite to people who make you uncomfortable.

3. Abuse While Working in Customer Service

If you work with the public, verbal abuse might feel like “part of the job”, but it shouldn’t be. Your employer has legal obligations to protect you.

The Retail and Fast Food Workers Union suggests asking for backup from colleagues, utilising workplace de-escalation procedures, and refusing to serve abusive customers where company policy permits.

4. Teaching Kids to Handle Verbal Abuse

If you have children, they also need age-appropriate strategies.

Teach them that walking away is a sign of strength, not weakness. Role-play scenarios to help them practice staying calm. Help them understand that bullies want a reaction, and not giving one removes their power.

ReachOut Parents provides excellent resources on supporting kids who experience verbal harassment.

5. Creating a Personal Response Plan

Having a plan before you need one helps you respond rather than react.

Decide in advance how you’ll handle different scenarios. What will you do if someone abuses you while you’re alone versus with your kids? What’s your response if it happens at work versus in public?

Identify your support people and keep their contact numbers readily available. Know what local resources exist, from police to counselling services.

Practice calming techniques, such as deep breathing or counting backwards from ten. These work best when you’ve practised them before a stressful situation.

The Bigger Picture

Individual strategies matter, but we also need cultural change. Verbal abuse from strangers thrives in environments that normalise aggression and lack accountability.

Call out mates when they verbally abuse service workers or strangers. Support bystander intervention training. Advocate for stronger protections for workers who face public harassment.

VicHealth research shows that communities with strong social cohesion and explicit norms against aggression see lower rates of public harassment.

Moving Forward

Dealing with verbal abuse from strangers is an unfortunate skill in modern life. You can’t control other people’s behaviour, but you can control your response and recovery.

Prioritise your safety first, protect your mental health second, and remember that someone’s inability to control their emotions says everything about them and nothing about you.

Most people are decent. The ones who verbally abuse strangers are the exception, not the rule. Don’t let their toxicity poison your view of humanity or limit your life.

If you’re struggling with the aftermath of verbal abuse, reaching out for support is a strength, not a weakness. Services like Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636), Lifeline (13 11 14), and Mensline Australia (1300 78 99 78) are available 24/7.

You deserve to move through the world feeling safe and respected. Don’t settle for less.