Let’s be honest, no one signs up for a job expecting to cop insults, threats, or constant belittling. Yet, here’s a sobering reality: Australia and New Zealand have the highest rates of workplace violence and harassment globally, with nearly one in two workers experiencing some form of workplace harassment in their lifetime.
That’s not a typo. We’re talking about 47.9% of Australian and New Zealand workers, compared to a global average of just 21%. If you’re reading this because you’re dealing with verbal abuse at work, you’re not alone.
But here’s the thing, you don’t have to put up with it. This guide will walk you through everything you need to know about identifying, addressing, and ultimately stopping verbal abuse in the workplace.
What Exactly Is Verbal Abuse in the Workplace?
Verbal abuse isn’t just about someone having a bad day and snapping at you once. It’s a pattern of behaviour where someone uses their words to control, demean, or intimidate another person.
Think of it like this: a one-off cranky comment from a stressed-out manager isn’t abuse. But if that same manager consistently tears you down, undermines your work, or makes you dread coming into the office, what do you do? That’s when you’ve crossed into verbal abuse territory.
The Real Deal: What Does It Look Like?
According to Safe Work Australia, the most common forms of workplace aggression include angry or hostile behaviour, shouting and swearing, and intimidation and insults. While these might seem less severe than physical violence, they still create significant workplace risks, particularly when they’re prolonged or frequent.
Here’s what verbal abuse can include:
- Constant Criticism: Not the constructive kind that helps you improve, but relentless negative comments about your work, personality, or abilities, often delivered in front of others to humiliate you.
- Threats and Intimidation: This can be direct (“If you don’t do this, you’ll be fired”) or indirect (“You know what happened to the last person who crossed me”).
- Gaslighting: This is particularly insidious. The abuser manipulates you into questioning your own sanity and reality. They might deny things they said, twist events, or make you believe you’re overreacting.
- Humiliation and Sarcasm: Using “jokes,” teasing, or sarcastic remarks to make you feel small or foolish. They often disguise their cruelty as humour and tell you to “lighten up” when you’re clearly hurt.
- Yelling and Screaming: Raising one’s voice to intimidate or control. If a colleague or boss frequently yells at you, it’s important to acknowledge this as abusive behaviour.
- Public Belittling: Making disparaging comments about you in meetings, emails, or in front of colleagues.
- Isolation Tactics: Excluding you from meetings, spreading rumours, or discouraging others from interacting with you.
The Numbers Don’t Lie
Recent data from Safe Work Australia reveals some eye-opening statistics. Over the last five years, there’s been a 56% increase in serious workers’ compensation claims for assault and exposure to workplace violence.
Even more concerning? According to a 2023 survey, 87% of workers reported experiencing verbal abuse from a customer within the last 12 months. For those working in rural and remote Australia, 57% of healthcare professionals, teachers, and police reported experiencing verbal abuse from community members.
Why Does This Matter So Much?
You might be thinking, “They’re just words. Shouldn’t I toughen up?”
Absolutely not. Here’s why.
The Mental Health Impact
Verbal abuse isn’t “just” about hurt feelings. It creates real, lasting damage. Research shows that the stress caused by verbal abuse changes the way our bodies react, leading to an elevated fight-or-flight instinct even when it’s not needed.
We anticipate stress even before it arrives. Simply interacting with a colleague or boss who has been verbally abusive can trigger the same stress response, whether they say anything harmful or not.
The long-term effects can include:
- Anxiety and depression
- Loss of confidence and self-worth
- Physical health problems like headaches, stomach issues, and high blood pressure
- Sleep disturbances
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- In severe cases, suicidal thoughts
The Career Consequences
Beyond your health, verbal abuse can seriously hinder your professional growth. It can make you dread going to work, impact your performance, and even force you to leave a job you once loved.
Studies have shown that employees who feel unsafe in their workplace tend to feel withdrawn from their colleagues and exhibit higher rates of absenteeism. An unhealthy company culture can significantly impact employee engagement, productivity, and innovation.
Your Rights Under Australian Law
Here’s the good news: Australian law takes workplace bullying, including verbal abuse, very seriously.
The Fair Work Act 2009
The Fair Work Act 2009 provides the primary legal framework for dealing with workplace bullying in Australia. Under this Act, bullying happens when:
- A person or group of people repeatedly behave unreasonably towards another worker
- The behaviour creates a risk to health and safety
Every employer has a duty of care to provide a safe working environment, including protecting you from verbal abuse. This isn’t just good practice—it’s the law.
What’s Covered?
The Fair Work Commission (FWC) is the national workplace relations tribunal that deals with applications to stop workplace bullying. If the national anti-bullying laws cover you, you can apply for an “anti-bullying order” with the FWC.
Workers covered include:
- Employees
- Contractors
- Apprentices
- Work experience students
- Volunteers
Important Distinction: Reasonable Management Action
Not everything unpleasant at work qualifies as bullying or abuse. Reasonable management action carried out reasonably is not bullying.
This might include:
- Giving legitimate instructions and expecting them to be carried out
- Setting reasonable performance goals
- Providing constructive feedback on work performance
- Taking disciplinary action for misconduct
However, management action that isn’t carried out reasonably may be considered bullying. The keyword here is “reasonable.”
State and Territory Laws
If the Fair Work Act doesn’t cover you, each state and territory has a workplace health and safety body that can provide advice and assistance about workplace bullying. These bodies can investigate complaints and enforce workplace health and safety laws.
Practical Steps: How to Deal With Verbal Abuse
Right, so you’ve identified that you’re dealing with verbal abuse. What now? Here’s your action plan.
Step 1: Document Everything
This is crucial. Keep a detailed record of every incident. Note:
- The date and time
- What was said (word for word if possible)
- Who was present
- How did it make you feel
- Any witnesses
This documentation is gold if you decide to file a complaint or take legal action. Keep your notes somewhere safe, not on your work computer, where others might access them.
Step 2: Assess Your Safety
Before taking any action, consider whether it’s safe to do so. If you fear for your physical safety or believe confronting the abuser might escalate the situation, skip directly to Step 4 and involve your manager or HR.
Step 3: Address It Directly (If Safe to Do So)
Sometimes, a direct but calm conversation can resolve the issue. If you feel safe doing so, let the person know that their behaviour is unacceptable and needs to stop.
Tips for this conversation:
- Stay calm and assertive
- Use “I” statements: “I feel disrespected when you speak to me that way”
- Be specific about the problematic behaviour
- State clearly that it needs to stop
- Keep it private, not in front of others
Be prepared, the abuser will probably have something to say about it. Don’t engage in an argument. State your piece and walk away if necessary.
Step 4: Escalate to Management or HR
If the abuse continues or you don’t feel safe confronting the person directly, raise the issue with:
- Your direct manager (if they’re not the abuser)
- The human resources department
- A health and safety representative
- Your union representative
Most employers have policies and procedures that prohibit violence and bullying. They’re legally obligated to investigate and act.
When reporting:
- Present your documented evidence
- Be clear about how the behaviour affects your work and wellbeing
- Ask what steps will be taken to address the situation
- Request follow-up meetings to discuss progress
Step 5: Lodge a Formal Complaint
If your employer doesn’t take your concerns seriously, you have several options:
Fair Work Commission: You can apply for an “anti-bullying order” with the FWC. This order can require your employer to take specific actions to stop the bullying. You may be eligible for free legal advice through the FWC’s Workplace Advice Service.
Australian Human Rights Commission (AHRC): If the verbal abuse is related to discrimination based on sex, disability, race, age, or other protected characteristics, you can complain with the AHRC.
State or Territory Anti-Discrimination Bodies: These bodies are responsible for considering and investigating breaches of state or territory anti-discrimination laws.
WorkSafe or Your State’s WHS Regulator: If the abuse creates a risk to your health and safety, you can make a complaint to your state’s workplace health and safety regulator.
Step 6: Seek External Support
Don’t go through this alone. There are resources available to help you:
Beyond Blue: Provides free and confidential support for mental health challenges, including those caused by workplace stress and abuse. Call 1300 22 4636.
Lifeline: Offers 24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention services. Call 13 11 14.
Employee Assistance Programs (EAP): Many workplaces offer free, confidential counselling through EAP services.
Your GP: Can provide mental health support and referrals to psychologists or psychiatrists.
Step 7: Consider Legal Action
If all else fails, you might need to consider legal action. Consult with an employment lawyer who can:
- Assess whether you have grounds for a claim
- Advise on the best course of action
- Represent you in negotiations or court proceedings
Some situations that might warrant legal action include:
- Your employer failing to address the abuse after you’ve reported it
- Being dismissed for reporting verbal abuse
- Experiencing discrimination or harassment based on protected characteristics
- Suffering significant mental health impacts requiring medical treatment
Taking Care of Yourself: Coping Strategies
While you’re working to address the abuse, it’s essential to protect your mental and emotional well-being.
Build Your Support Network
Discuss your experiences with trusted friends, family members, or colleagues. Social support is one of the most potent buffers against stress.
Join support groups or online communities where you can connect with others who’ve experienced workplace abuse. You’ll find validation, advice, and reassurance that you’re not alone.
Practice Self-Care
This isn’t just about bubble baths (though those can help). Self-care means:
- Getting enough sleep
- Eating well
- Exercising regularly
- Engaging in hobbies and activities you enjoy
- Setting boundaries between work and personal life
- Taking sick leave when you need it
Consider Professional Counselling
Therapy provides a safe space to express your feelings and work through the emotional impact of verbal abuse. A therapist can teach you coping mechanisms to manage stress and anxiety.
Look for a therapist who specialises in workplace issues or trauma. Many psychologists now offer telehealth appointments, making it easier to access support.
Know When to Walk Away
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the situation doesn’t improve. If the abuse is severely impacting your mental health and your employer isn’t taking adequate action, it might be time to look for another job.
This isn’t giving up, it’s prioritising your wellbeing. Your health and sanity are worth more than any company pays you. No job is worth sacrificing your mental health.
For Employers: Creating an Abuse-Free Workplace
If you’re an employer or manager reading this, here’s what you need to know: preventing verbal abuse isn’t just good for your employees, it’s good for your business.
Implement Clear Policies
Develop a comprehensive policy that clearly defines and addresses verbal abuse in the workplace, providing clear guidelines for addressing and preventing such behaviour. The policy should:
- Outline what constitutes verbal abuse
- Detail the consequences for engaging in such behaviour
- Explain the reporting process
- Guarantee protection from retaliation for those who report abuse
Provide Training
Conduct regular training sessions for all employees on:
- Respectful communication
- Recognising verbal abuse
- How to report concerns
- Bystander intervention
Management should receive additional training on how to handle complaints and create psychologically safe work environments.
Respond Quickly and Seriously
When someone reports verbal abuse:
- Take it seriously, no matter who the alleged abuser is
- Investigate promptly and thoroughly
- Maintain confidentiality
- Take appropriate corrective action
- Follow up with the victim to ensure the behaviour has stopped
Lead by Example
Culture flows from the top. Leaders and managers must model respectful behaviour. If senior staff engage in verbal abuse or turn a blind eye to it, employees will learn that such behaviour is acceptable.
Create Channels for Reporting
Ensure employees have multiple, safe ways to report abuse:
- Direct line to HR
- Anonymous reporting systems
- External hotlines
- Union representatives
Make it clear that retaliation against those who report abuse will not be tolerated.
How to Deal with Verbal Abuse Beyond the Workplace
Verbal abuse is not limited to the office. Whether it occurs at home or in public, it is a tool of control and a violation of your boundaries. Here is how to navigate these complex personal dynamics:
How to deal with Verbal Abuse from a Partner (Spouse, Husband, or Wife)
When abuse comes from a partner, the emotional stakes are high.
- Identify the Pattern: Recognise that name-calling, gaslighting, or constant criticism is not “just a fight”, it is abuse.
- Establish Hard Boundaries: Clearly state, “I will not continue this conversation if you keep yelling/insulting me,” and walk away if they continue.
- Safety First: If verbal abuse escalates to threats or makes you feel unsafe, prioritise a safety plan over “fixing” the communication.
How to deal with Verbal Abuse from an Alcoholic
Abuse fuelled by substance use is often unpredictable.
- Please don’t argue with the Substance: It is impossible to have a rational conversation with someone who is intoxicated. Disengage immediately.
- Detach with Love: Understand that while the addiction causes the behaviour, you are not responsible for “curing” them at the expense of your mental health.
- Seek Support: Groups like Al-Anon can provide specific strategies for living with an addicted loved one.
How to deal with Verbal Abuse from Parents or Adult Children
Family dynamics often involve long-standing power imbalances.
- From Parents: Even as an adult, you may feel like a child in these moments. Remind yourself that you are an independent adult and do not have to “take it” to be a good son or daughter.
- From Adult Children: This is often a result of underlying resentment or mental health issues. Maintain your role as a boundary-setter; being a parent doesn’t mean accepting mistreatment.
How to deal with Verbal Abuse from Strangers
Public verbal abuse is often a “hit and run” tactic intended to shock you.
- Assess the Danger: Your physical safety is the priority. If a stranger appears aggressive, do not engage or escalate the situation.
- Grey Rock Method: Give short, uninteresting answers or no response at all. By not giving them an emotional reaction, they lose their “win.”
Important Note: If you are experiencing verbal abuse at home, you don’t have to handle it alone. Consider reaching out to a professional counsellor or a domestic violence hotline for confidential support.
The Bottom Line
Verbal abuse in the workplace is never acceptable. Full stop.
The Australian workplace is supposed to be built on respect, fairness, and a fair go for everyone. When words are used to tear down rather than build up, something needs to change.
If you’re experiencing verbal abuse, remember these key points:
- It’s not your fault
- You have legal rights and protections
- You don’t have to handle it alone
- Documentation is crucial
- Multiple support services are available
- Your well-being matters more than any job
Australia has some of the highest rates of workplace harassment in the world, but that doesn’t mean we have to accept it as usual. By understanding what verbal abuse is, knowing your rights, and acting, you can help create a safer, more respectful workplace not just for yourself, but for everyone.
Whether you choose to address it directly, escalate the issue to management, or take legal action, the most important thing is that you take some action. Silence enables abuse. Speaking up to your manager, HR, the Fair Work Commission, or a support service is the first step towards change.
Remember: you deserve to work in an environment free from abuse, intimidation, and fear. Don’t settle for less.
Need Help Now?
- Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 (24/7)
- Lifeline: 13 11 14 (24/7)
- Fair Work Ombudsman: 13 13 94
- Fair Work Commission: 1300 799 675
Sources:
- Safe Work Australia (2024). “Workplace and Work-related Violence and Aggression in Australia Report”
- Lloyd’s Register Foundation & ILO (2021). “World Risk Poll”
- Fair Work Act 2009 (Commonwealth of Australia)
- Australian Bureau of Statistics (2022). “Personal Safety Survey”
- Safe Work Australia (2023). “People at Work Survey”
- Australian Human Rights Commission. “Workplace Harassment Resources”
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